Hi there

Tomorrow will be the start of a new term. Was looking through the pile of work and assignments through the school intranet and my heart just have this 2 different heart beats about it, eagerness and anxiousness.

Eagerness to prepare early for the term and anxiousness of the amount of work to be done.

Eventually I didn't start any work until today...procastination and laziness seems to be the theme of my life nowadays...

In anticipation of us turning 28 this year, the feeling of doom came.

Think I no longer know what I want in life...I know I want a good life-materially and spiritually...but I no longer feeling like working for it...I am sick and tired of working hard for life to earn things...why can't we just enjoy the life we have and still have a good life? or is it because as we grow old, we become less and less immune to hard work or too sick and tired of it? Maybe it is just me...but it does scare me.

How's your new year celebration? What's your new year resolutions?

I was not thinking about it till last night. I can't fall asleep last night and starts having thoughts roaming in my mind...eventually woke up and get myself a pen and few piece of papers to write down what and how I felt for the new coming year and several wish list for the year.

I don't know how many of the new year resolution I will keep this year but it sure soothens my mind (or tired my mind into sleep) to put things down.

However, I also find the tendency to not do anything on the list if I wrote it down...maybe it's because I felt I have written them down and if I didn't reach those wish list, it meant i have tried?

It sure is somekind of hypothesies fallacy...

Anyhow, I broke 1 of the wish list this morning...I am suppose to attend workship today and I didn't.. there is 1 this evening..but I guess I am not going either...

I am such a jerk sometimes...huh...so does the attending Japanese Language Class last Saturday...God, I am really becoming lazier these days.

The older I get, the lazier and the space to be left alone or be alone is growing more and more everyday...what is happening?

I sure hope I didn't become like Alina in the future or some useless person in the future...

You see I feel like I must contribute to the world in someway and not just do things for money or our own benefits but laziness is getting in the way...

I guess in a way, I am using laziness as an excuse to get away from the pressure I felt...of not performing or being the best...I am always a chicken of comparison...if I felt I can't compete against others, I'll get pretty ellusive and non-responsive to the environment around me...maybe just to avoid the feeling of getting hurt.

Gosh, sorry for the long email...felt that you have become more and more like my psycologist, haha..my appology if I bored you..

Thanks for being there for me when I felt like pouring my heart out..

You take care, may you and your family have a blessed year ahead!