Talking in class

I really miss my friends...I want to go home. I felt that my effort in doing my homework and assignments were wasted. I've spent the whole night finishing up my assignments but unable to utter a single word in the class. huh...it sucks! I tell myself that it does not matter as I know that life is not fair and we will not always get the chance to speak in class and it's really a stupid thing to do to lose my self-confidence because the professor just don't want to hear what it's in your mind.

I guess 27 years of living to my best and always has been my best has faced a road block here, not because I'm lazy, less intelligent or something but it's the same thing as happened in our everyday life, that no men is an island, no matter how talented, how smart you are, if you are not up to the society par, what ever it might be defined as, example: rich enough, pretty enough, lucky enough, know enough people, articulate enough, social enough, you are not likely to make it to success by your own effort. It is possible, just harder and take longer time.

I'm tired of this feeling. I just want to go home now and don't feel like doing anything. So what if I prepare like hell? Sleep for 3 hours? I'm not going to get any fucking A coz I have to rely on other people to determine my grade. So what it I score for the rest of the 30% for mid term or final? The bulk of the grading still come from class participation, I will be laughing my way to the bank already as long as I don't get a C. Can I say this is introvert discrimination? They are trying to discriminate people who are introvert, don't have much confidence in speaking out in class and etc. I find that I didn't improve on my weakness and nor does enhance my strength...ahh...screw...